Mudblood
by bangwolf
Summary: Will Lily ever forgive James for the unforgivable?


Chapter 1:

'You're a.. Mudblood.'

The words tumbled out of James' mouth. He didn't mean to say them. Her fiery hair and the scowl on her face just got too much for him. He wanted to throw something at her that would really hurt. He wanted to see that smile falter. As soon as he realised what he had done, he regretted it immediately.

The small congregation of students which were huddled together watched on. There was an eery silence. How would Lily react? She was always so sure of herself, so brave. So strong. What would she do to take revenge on James?

And as they all watched on, her face crumpled, and her green eyes clouded with tears. She hastily gathered her books and wand and ran away, pushing through the crowd so she could make a hasty escape.

'Bit heavy.. Don't you think mate?' Said Sirius, clapping James on the back. There was outrage among the students.

_'Did you hear what he said to her?'_

_'She had it coming.'_

_'I knew Potter would snap soon.'_

_'Merlin's beard.. Potter isn't right in the head.'_

James Potter.. Always so considerate, a little arrogant at times.. But surely.. He would never let something so degrading, so humiliating, so racist and _crude_, slip out of his mouth. He had a reputation as a prankster, at worst maybe even a bit of a bully, but surely, _this_ was taking it much too far..

He pushed his hand through his hair. He was shaking. He couldn't believe his stupidity.. What _had_ he done? He remembered her running off, her red hair billowing out behind her like ribbons twirling in the wind. He was almost mesmerised at the thought of her. But what _had_ he done?

'I have to go after her.' He said quietly, so only Remus and Sirius could hear him. Wormtail was too busy stuffing his face to have the slightest idea what was going on, and he was completely oblivious to what had just happened.

So, James wandered off, his robes billowing out behind him while Remus and Sirius watched him carefully, wondering what to think.

Chapter 2:

James walked with his head hung low. His jet-black hair stood up at odd angles. He wore round glasses which framed his grey-blue eyes. He was a popular, well-liked student. Lily was the complete opposite. She always had her head in a book. She spent her lunchtimes in the library, reading.

They all told her that she was going to amount to something. A doctor at Saint Mungos, a teacher at Hogwarts, an employee at the Ministry of Magic. She wasn't interested in any of these professions though. Ever since she had first come to Hogwarts, she had wanted to be an auror.

As he passed the potions rooms, he heard muffled crying sounds. As he walked further, they grew louder. And finally, he tapped his wand on the door of the classroom they were coming from and whispered, 'Alohamora.'

The door swung open on it's hinges, and James spotted Lily in the corner. Her knees were pulled up to her chin. She was sobbing so hard she almost couldn't breathe.

He walked over and sat down next to her. 'Are you okay Lily?' He asked, tentatively. She would probably yell at him, ask him to leave, scream in his face.. Maybe jinx him, or hex him.. But he didn't mind. He really did regret what he said before.

'No. Why are you here?' She turned her head to look at him. Her pale, pretty face looked up at him. She was confused. Didn't James hate her? Why would he want to check on her? Why would he even care how she was. What he had said was unforgivable.

James stared into her bright, green eyes. A tear slid down her cheek, she even looked pretty when she cried. He absentmindedly watched her, and then she caught him staring. So he looked away quickly and diverted his eyes to the potion recipes stuck up on the walls.

'I'm sorry,' He said. And he really meant it. He didn't mean to hurt her. The words had just.. slipped out. He was so close to her that he could almost count her freckles. He really hoped she would forgive him. He really did.

'Leave me alone.' She said, groggily. She was still hugging her knees, and she was still upset. And James felt horrible. He had always thought of himself as a good guy, always thinking of other people. But what was he doing? What _had_ he done..

A lump in her throat formed. _He isn't really sorry_, she thought, angrily. He's just going to humiliate me again. She wasn't going to cry, no. She wasn't going to cry infront of him. She couldn't.

'I said, leave me alone.' She spat out. Angry that he had come here in the first place, angry that he had called her the unthinkable. She hated everything about him. The way his hair never stood down. The way he always had a lazy smirk plastered to his face. He was just so annoying.

'Seriously James, get out. Just leave me alone.' She said, this time more forcefully. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts. That, and she hadn't finished her devination homework. Professor McGonagall was going to be so angry.

So he got up and started walking towards the door. But just before he walked out the door he said, 'I really am sorry.' He gave her one last look and walked away.

Chapter 3:

'Today we are going to try something different.' Said Professor Flitwick excitedly. It was charms, the last class of the day. The sun was shining through the window onto James' books. It was the middle of winter, and this was out of character for the weather.

'We will be starting cheering charms today. Can anybody tell me what a cheering charm does?' As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Lily's hand shot straight up.

'Miss Evans?' He said, calling on her.

'A cheering charm is a spell used to lift someone's mood. However, if overdone, a cheering charm can cause fits of hysterical laughter.' She smiled.

James couldn't help thinking about how useful this information could have been when Lily was crying.

'Correct, 10 points to griffindor.' He said, as he flashed her a warm smile.

'Today, I have decided that we will be doing something quite different. I will be partnering you up with another student in the class at random.' He announced. There were audible groans from Slytherin. Griffindor table seemed just as upset, with Sirius sighing heavily and looking sadly at James.

It just happened that James and Lily were partnered together, and so they found themselves seated at a desk, their heads hung over a textbook, trying to perfect the incantation.

'So.. Did you really mean your apology?' Lily said, breaking the silence between them. She was waving her wand at James, trying to master the charm on him.

'I really did.' James smiled at her, looking up. She smiled back. There was something so painfully honest about it.

And then, suddenly, a pack of paper-planes dodged over the heads of the students. One settled upon their desk. It unfolded itself carefully, revealing a crudely drawn picture and message. Lily's cheeks blushed red, and James leaned over the desk to see what it said.

It was a picture of a girl, and a boy. One with glasses, one with red hair. It read, 'Potty and Evans, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.' The pictures moved shakily. Lily stood up abruptly and walked away angrily.

Soon, the rest of the planes unfolded too. The whole class let out a roar of laughter. Professor Flitwick, who had been dozing off to sleep, leapt out of his chair, asking the class to keep quiet and get back to practising their charms. Sirius let out a throaty chuckle, but Remus sat there, embarassed for them both. Severus laughed the hardest. It was a well known fact that he had liked Lily Evans ever since he saw her, in the Great Hall on the day of sorting. But it was rumoured that he knew her even before that.

James was really sick of all of this. He just wanted to make amends with Lily, he was so close, and in one instant, he was back to where he started.

Chapter 4:

'Lily- Please, just wait..' James said. He wasn't exactly sure why this mattered so much to him. He saw a flash of red hair as she hurried down the hallway, crying, again.

He followed her, down to the same potions classroom she was in before. Once again, he heard the muffled sound of her sobbing from the classroom. The door wasn't locked this time. It was almost like she wanted him to find her. Like she wanted him to comfort her and apologise.

And he saw her, as he walked into the room. In the same corner, her knees up to her chin, her arms wrapped tightly around them. Her eyes were red and swollen, but she still looked pretty, James decided. Lily Evans could look pretty no matter what she was doing.

He wasn't sure what to say anymore, so he just sat down beside her. And he edged a little bit closer. It was then, he did something reckless. He draped his arm around her, and he squeezed her tight. He wondered what she would think.

'Are you okay?' He said, whispering the same words that had first come out of his mouth when he saw her in here the first time. But this time, the edges of her lips turned up a little and she looked up at him with her big green eyes. 'I've been better,' She said, quietly. And once again, he was so close that he could count her freckles.

Then, he dared to do something even more reckless, with his arm still around her shoulders, he leaned in and kissed her. And she kissed him back. A sweet, soft kiss. Where they brushed each others lips gently. And then they sat there, for the rest of the afternoon, sitting there, in their own little peaceful silence. It was then that James realised he was forgiven.

Chapter 5:

It had two weeks since Lily and James had their first kiss. They would sit together, passing notes, making each other giggle. Remus and Lupin would exchange looks as they smiled at each other, thinking no one else could see what was so obvious. They could see Lily blush under her red bangs as she felt James eyes on her. They could see James laughing at everything she said, even though her jokes were the most corniest things they had ever heard.

They would spend their lunchtimes practising spells out on the green grass, down near the gamekeeper's cabin. The sun shone down on them as they studied for tests and completed their homework. Sirius and Remus would exchange knowing looks, and Worm-tail was too thick to notice anything out of the usual.

Lily and James had just come up from their usual spot with Sirius and Remus. The bell towers sounded, indicating to everyone that it was time to go to class. They had charms with the Slytherins and Ravenclaws. Charms was always good, because they could sit and talk without fear of being reprimanded.

As usual, they passed notes back and forth. Until Severus, a Slytherin who had been in every single one of James' classes grabbed it quickly. He unfolded it quickly, his eyes hungrily reading through it. They didn't notice any out of the usual, until Severus stood up to the class and decided to read it out.

'Oh, of _course _James, I would love to see you in the holidays.' He mocked, holding the note up for everyone to see. 'Have you got a secret girlfriend you would like to tell us about, Potter? Lily Evans.. I could do better.' He said, smirking.

Lily exchanged worried glances between the two boys. It was a well known fact that Severus and Lily were good friends in their first year at Hogwarts. It was the start of second year when he became troubled through tormenting and bullying his classmates. He would hex them, jinx them. Lily had told James that in his second-hand textbook, Snape had scribbled down thousands of curses that he had created himself.

'Yes,' He said, standing up. Severus and James now had the whole class' attention. There was gossip and whispering, while Professor Flitwick's dozy snoring interrupted the tense silence. 'I do.'

Snape went bright red, and something flashed across his face. Something sick, and something twisted. James swore it was jealousy. Lily felt sorry for him. She thought it was sadness, maybe embarrassment.

'So Potter, tell me, why would you associate yourself with a _mudblood?_' Snape said, tightly. His voice sounded dangerous, and it was soaked in venom and spite. 'If I was in Minister of Magic, I would get them all _disposed_ of.'

Shock registered across the student's faces. '_Merlin's beard_,' Someone whispered. But Severus continued on his tirade.

'It's not like you haven't thought it, Potter.' He said, slyly. Lily looked like she was going to be sick. Everyone was frozen in anticipation. What would James do?

'Tarantellegra!' Yelled James, pointing his wand directly at Snape. But he quickly deflected the jinx, murmuring, 'Protego!'

'Not so great, are you now?' Said Severus angrily. 'You don't deserve her. She doesn't want you. Don't you see? You called her a mudblood. She hates you.' And with that, he yelled, 'Avada Kedavra!' And pointed his wand directly at James' chest.

Chapter 6:

James was dead. Lily was in shock, she missed him so much. She couldn't believe she would never see those blue-grey eyes, or that crooked smile again. The flash of green light woke Professor Flitwick, and there were screams from Ravenclaw as they saw his crumpled body on the ground. Even Slytherin was shocked, their mouths wide open as Severus collapsed on the ground, guilty, crying.

In the week after his death, she found out what really happened. Severus was so alone. He was jealous too, his heart was cold. He was watching them together, always watching. Down by the gamekeeper's cabin. In charms class, in potions class. All the time. Some little part of him thought that Lily wanted him, and James was the only thing stopping him from being with her. But it didn't matter anymore.

She was going to visit Severus in Saint Mungo's today. He was in the mental ward. They put him in there because he was a danger to himself. Lily knew that he didn't mean it. It was a mistake. Lily also knew that he wasn't crazy, he didn't belong in there with the mental patients.

He was going to be sent to Azkaban the next day. He didn't deserve to die that way. He was so young, there had been petitions from protestors in the wizarding world. James' family begging for leniency, but they were having nothing of it. It was life in prison. So, Lily had come to take him.

To take him to another place. She knew that he didn't want to be here anymore. She saw it in his empty eyes, the way he spoke, and she resented it. So she pulled out her wand, and looked around, surrounded by hospital beds with patients in them.

And in a flash of green light, Severus was some place else, without any pain.

When they took her away, she didn't fight. She was already gone.


End file.
